Toxic Friendships

A friend is supportive, loyal and always rooting for you to win. A friend is not envious, disloyal, or full of gossip.

When we think of a toxic relationship, we usually think romantic; but friendships can be toxic as well. Signs of a toxic friendship are usually clear as day, yet we choose to ignore them for whatever reason(s). Friendships can be a bit more complicated than romantic relationships, and often harder to let go of. A lot of times the signs of toxic friendships are overlooked as “character flaws,” when in reality you and your friend just secretly hate each other.

I’ve had my fare share of toxic friends and the red flags were there all along, I was just so pressed for friends at the time that I ignored them. Of course every situation is different, but here are some common red flags of a toxic friendship that you shouldn’t ignore….


Consistency. If you and your ‘friend’ fall out every other week, that’s a huge red flag. One minute you’re BFFs hanging out 24/7, and the next you’re telling your other friend how much you hate her. There’s no consistency in the friendship.

Time. We often think that because we’ve been friends with someone for years that we can’t NOT be friends… that’s hardly the case. You have every right to end any friendship you want, whether it’s someone you met last week or someone you met 5 years ago. Not everyone you form a friendship with will be in your life forever. It’s OK to outgrow people! It’s life, it happens.

Envy. If your friend gets bitter when you get better, not your friend. Your friends should be your #1 fans/supporters in whatever goal(s) you are trying to accomplish. When you get that promotion, when you finally get that ring on your finger, whatever the case may be, she should be JUST as excited as you! When my friends accomplish something, I feel like I accomplished it as well – that’s how it’s suppose to be. Watch out for those ‘friends’ who half-ass congratulate you.

Backhanded compliments. “That dress makes you look so much skinnier.” “I wasn’t expecting you to get the job, congrats.” etc etc. The purpose of any relationship whether it be romantic or platonic, is to uplift each other. So if your ‘friend’ is giving you any kind of criticism that isn’t constructive.. red flag.

Enemies. Some people don’t agree with this one but it hasn’t proven me wrong yet in my 22 years of living. ANY FRIEND WHO HANGS WITH YOUR ENEMIES, IS NOT YOUR FRIEND!!! Point blank. Period. I’m not even going to go into this one because 1) common sense, 2) LOYALTY.

Gossip. I’ll keep this one short and to the point.. if your friend tells you all of her other friends’ business, what the hell makes you think she’s not out here running your business too??? You know, the friend who can’t wait to call and give you the scoop on her other homegirls drama as soon as her and homegirl hang the phone up.  I learned a long time ago if they’ll talk with you, they’ll talk about you.

Communication. You shouldn’t have to be the one to start a conversation every time.. aka if you don’t call/text them first then you would never hear from them. Not your friend. A real friend WANTS to call and see how you’re doing.

Overall, if a certain person came to mind while you were reading.. she’s your toxic friend! A friend is supportive, loyal and always rooting for you to win. A friend is not envious, disloyal, or full of gossip. Pick your friends wisely and remember, time is no measure of true friendship!

-M

6 Life Lessons That Stuck With Me

Every single obstacle we face in life teaches us something new. Personally, I love when an experience teaches me a lesson, however I know that not all of these experiences will be pleasant. I mean I went through a bad break up when I first started college.. and although I was heartbroken and a hot ass mess for a few weeks/months (LOL), I learned a lot from the experience and the pain!

These are just a few key things that life has taught me in my 22 years of being.

Don’t fall victim to your circumstances. Life is 20% what happens to us, and 80% how we react to it. Everyone is going to face set-backs in life, but how we deal with them determines our fate. Ok, so you didn’t get the promotion at work that you’ve been busting your butt for.. it sucks but are you gonna sit and dwell on it for weeks, or are you gonna let it motivate you to go even harder? The choice is yours!

Self love is the BEST love. Seriously! Once you truly fall in love with your flaws & learn to love yourself the way God loves you, you will realize how tough your skin really is. Nothing anyone could ever say can break you down or make you question your self worth. Jhene Aiko said “I love me enough for the both of us,” and while that one line has so many different meanings, I break it down to this: I love me enough to choose me. I love me enough to choose myself over anything/anyone that isn’t good for me.

Be your own happiness. aka don’t put the key to your happiness in someone else’s pocket! Because once they are gone, you’re left with nothing. If you’re not happy within, how can you find happiness somewhere else?

Life is happening… whether you’re ready or not. the world doesn’t stop spinning; regardless of the loss of a loved one, getting laid off from a job, or any other unforeseen circumstances. Time keeps going, and you have to pick up the broken pieces! Nobody said it will be easy, and we all heal at our own pace. Just remember, even when your own little world is frozen, the outside world is still happening.

Take responsibility. You are the only person accountable for your actions. “It wasn’t my fault” & “you made me do it” is for 2nd graders. At 21, heck even at 16, nobody can make you do anything you don’t want to do. Point blank. You are responsible for what you say and what you do.

You reap what you sew. aka what you put in is what you get out. I don’t wish bad on anyone, but you can’t just treat people like crap and then expect to live happily. So I guess I should’ve said KARMA. What goes around comes around!

-M

There’s Nobody Like Him

You know that feeling you get when you talk about something that you really love? For example, a new car. You get a new car and you’ll tell anyone who will listen about how great it is, how fast it drives, how much of an upgrade it is, etc. That’s how I feel about my God; I love to brag about Him to anybody with open ears! I love to tell people how He has blessed me, how He answers my prayers, and how He never fails to amaze me!

When you put your faith in Him, you see what He is capable of. You start to realize that certain plans didn’t quite go the way you wanted them to, because His plans were much bigger and better. You begin to understand that when you put something in God’s hands, He will make more of it than you ever could have imagined! I can’t tell you these things based on what I “heard” from other people, but rather what I have experienced first hand.

He is a provider, and He is able. I don’t know anyone else who can make a way out of no way like He does. Whatever you stand in need of, just know that we serve a God who always provides. And all He asks in return? Simply for us to have faith and trust Him. We ask God for prosperity, but He does not reward us until we take that leap of faith and trust Him. For God I live and for God I die. Once you open your heart and trust God with the very thing you are willing to die for, you will see Him answering your prayers and showering you with blessings!

But not only is God able, He is loving and forgiving as well. I can’t count how many times He has forgiven me, and then gave me chance after chance, even when I didn’t deserve it. That’s how unconditional His love is. Know that no matter what you do or how far you might stray, He will never turn His back on you. Jesus died on the cross for us, which is why we repent our sins and try to be a better person for Him. Many of us think in order for God to bless us & use us for greatness, that we need to have everything together; but that is hardly the case, you don’t need to have it all together. All God asks is that we have something, anything, that He can take and use unto His glory!

M

Just Do It!

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What are you waiting for?! Just do it!

Do what makes you happy and put your talents to use. If you have a passion or even just an idea, act on it! Find the motivation and inspiration needed to bring your ideas to life. Start that business you’ve been dreaming about for years, start that book you’ve been drafting on for weeks.

“The saddest thing in life is a wasted talent” – Thomas S Monson

Our talent determines what we can do.
Our motivation determines how much we are willing to do.
Our attitude determines how well we can do it

You will never be as young as you are right now! Seriously, what are you waiting for?! I know all of us are busy with the various things we have going on in life such as work, family, etc… but if you want your ideas to flourish, you have to make the time to bring them to life! It won’t be easy but it will definitely be worth it.
Don’t let your wonderful ideas/dreams die out over time, you never know how far they can take you. Look at Mark Zuckerberg, I’m sure 10 years ago he didn’t think Facebook would be where it is now — one of, if not the, most popular social media platforms!

I kept on and kept on putting my blog off until finally I thought “what is stopping me?” and decided to act on it! I may only be talking to fifteen subscribers right now, but whose to say one day I won’t be talking to fifteen thousand?

Have faith; believing in yourself is half the battle! So whatever your idea is.. just do it!

-M

Situationships

Situationships. I think we’ve all been in one at some point in time.. I know I’ve been in a situafew over the past several years. Obviously if you look up situationship in the dictionary, you won’t find anything — it’s one of our made up words like ‘selfie‘ and ‘on fleek‘. I think of a situationship as a ‘let’s just chill, let’s have sex’ type of relationship; your attraction towards the other person is mostly on a physical level. You may start to have feelings/emotions towards them, but it will never blossom into an actual relationship.

“We live in a generation of not being together, but we sure make it feel like we’re together” – Drake

So how do we end up in these situations? Its easy really, especially this day in age. Guys don’t want to go out on dates anymore and truly get to know a girl, they just want to Netflix & chill. Or they just want to smoke and chill. This is what our [my] generation considers dating. HA! This whole “no strings attached” thing is so common nowadays. It’s the modern day relationship.. the “he’s my boyfriend but not really” type of relationship.

How do you know if you’re in a situationship? It’s not always easy to tell right away. A few telltale signs are:
» You never go out on dates, you only hang out at each others house
» You haven’t met his friends yet, and vise versa
» You don’t have a title. He’s not quite your boyfriend, but he’s more than a friend.
» Neither of you dates other people… but he’s still not your bf
» Texting is your main form of contact. No “good morning” or “how was your day”, though. It’s usually superficial conversation and planning your next hook up

Nothing is wrong with being in a situationship if that’s what you want right now. Not everyone is ready to settle down and have a serious relationship yet, and that’s ok! But make that clear with the other person, be up front about it so you don’t end up wasting their time.

-M

Take Care of Yourself

Is it selfish to put myself before others? No, it’s not selfish. I’m sure at some point in life you heard the cliché saying “take care of yourself first, or you will have nothing left to give others.” I couldn’t agree with it more! We were all given a special temple.. our own body, mind and soul; and it is our responsibility to take good care of it.

It is important to not get self-care confused with self-absorbed. Self-care [by definition] is care of one’s self without medical or other professional consultation. To me, self-care is crucial to being able to function — it is getting enough sleep, exercise, peace, etc. in order to perform daily tasks efficiently. Self-absorbed is being preoccupied with one’s own thoughts, interests, etc.. AKA self centered, thinking the world revolves around you. See the difference?

EmptySo why is it when we practice self care and practice putting our own needs before the needs of others, it is seen as being selfish? Ask yourself this, what good are you to others if you are exhausted, stressed out, and unhappy? None. Don’t get me wrong, there is no doubt we would all do anything for a loved one (friend, parent, spouse, etc.); anything to help them feel better physically/emotionally. However, it’s imperative to look after yourself, too. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Meaning if you give all that you have, there will be none left for yourself.

3 easy ways for you to take care of YOU:

  • Pamper yourself Take the time to have a spa day, go and get the massage that you deserve. Get your hair and nails done. Go for a walk/run; do something that relaxes you
  • Don’t be afraid to say NO Protect your schedule. If you know you have a hectic week coming up, don’t feel obligated to make plans or squeeze in a bunch of last minute things. This will only result in you being [more] stressed
  • Spend your money on what matters We all spend it wastefully every now and then, which is to be expected. But you want to spend it on what matters to you; when we’re stressed, we tend to spend without thinking. 9 times out of 10 that makes things worse, considering money is a huge source of stress for a lot of us

Taking care of yourself may simply mean taking time to pamper yourself; it could be a weekend getaway, or simply doing some of your favorite relaxing activities. Whatever it is, take the time to do it! Your mind and body will thank you for it later! Its okay to get caught up in helping others, just make sure you recharge!